12:04 a.m. - Monday, Jun. 14, 2004
Into the void
Oh babies. I'm back, but I feel bloody awful.

I had a good time, I have a list of things to tell you all about when I feel up to it again, but tonight I just feel awful - tired and worthless and vile. Empty and pressured and like a failure waiting to happen.

I feel pointless. I keep getting all these exciting things from my teaching college and I just don't feel like it will ever happen. The doc has charged me £20 for the extra report about my mental health they've requested. What if it's too bad?? What if I can't sort my degree out.

I feel pressured and unable to perform. And I've got to go back to Mordor for my last ever week and wear the happy mask.

And I miss my boy. I spoke to him in three short bursts today - the phone was temperamental. He sounded so clear, as if he was just down the road. Hard to grasp he is half a world away. Hearing from him is both lovely and horrible. His voice just makes me want to curl up with him and let him make everything go away.

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