9:44 p.m. - Saturday, Apr. 24, 2004
It's my pity party and I'll cry if I want to.
I feel really sad today. Well, I've been up and down, but am very down now.

I'll talk about that first. I asked a mate of mine, and Bob's to do me a favour for my project, he had said to Bob that it would be fine, so I sent what I needed doing, with an e-mail annoucing 'I am having a period so don't mess with me.' He sent it back today, done, but with this message entirely slagging me off for being so pissy and demanding things done when other people have work to do to don't I know?? I'm really upset by this. Not because he took it wrong, particularly, but because some one I count as a good friend (this is Orby, with whom Bob is travelling around Austrailia) thought I was the sort of person to make demands like that. I am not! I am reasonable and kind and friendly, and I'm trying not to let this undermine my confidence in my niceness. He just didn't get me, I know, but he THOUGHT I was the sort of person to expect the world to stop due to my menstrual cycle. I'm also upset that Bob is spending six weeks straight with someone who thinks I could behave in such a bitchy way. I want him to be with someone supportive, not someone who can't understand why he'd miss a cow like me.

I still can't believe Bob is going. I miss him so badly after three days away now. The longest I can remember being apart is two weeks and I almost counted the hours. I adore that man, and I need him so much. Today, we were talking, about how we're half the pieces of the jigsaw each, and Bob told me he was the straight side pieces and I am the weird bit in the middle :-) he makes me smile (and stop crying).

It should have been a nice day - the weather was beeeyouteeful and I took the mice out to play in the garden (well supervised, of course). I did lose Maisy in the flowerbed for a short time, but that was all. I went for a nice walk with me mum & dad this afternoon and had my foot bitten repeatedly by a swan (grumpy thing).

I am just sad though. At a core level. The slightest thing knocks me for six and I feel so cold and empty in my middle. It's been a long time since I felt like this.

I am broody too. Hormones and spring fever and sadness combine. This isn't 'aren't babies nice' broodiness, this is big mama 'I want one now and I shall be sad forever if not and it is all I want to do' attack of the broods.

Gosh, aren't I having a pity party? Boo hoo hoo poor me. I just wish I didn't feel so grey and pulpy and worthless.

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